work, kids and 'me time'

Mums returning to work after having a baby often let themselves become mentally, emotionally and physically swamped.

• Is my baby happy in childcare?

• Is my employer satisfied with my output? 

• Gah! The washing!

• Hey, life partner - who are you?   Err, I mean, ‘how’ are you?

The question that tends to be missing from the working mum’s list of concerns is ‘what can I do to nourish myself?’

We talk about ‘mother guilt’ and, after a week in the office, it’s tempting to focus on cramming time with the family into every spare second.   Family time is wonderful – and it’s especially so when your family is spending time with a mum who is rested, engaged and vibrant. 

Is this you?

On a scale of 1 (disengaged, frazzled, exhausted) to 10 (fully engaged, rested, enthused), how do you feel you perform as a mum if you never get a break from work and family?

Repeat the question, on a scale of one to ten, and rate how engaged you feel walking in the door after some ‘me-time’? 

There’s a reason why, on planes, we’re given a safety talk that includes fitting the oxygen mask to ourselves before helping others.  Unless we’re emotionally and physically rested as working mums, cracks will appear as we spread ourselves thinner than we tend to at any other time in our lives.

Imagine that you’re sitting in a restaurant, and a waiter brings out a plate of food.  He puts it in front of you, then takes a large tray of other dishes and begins piling more food on top of your meal.  You don’t say anything – you’re a little self-conscious and bamboozled - so he adds even more food.  It’s spilling over the edges now, onto the table.  It’s more than you could ever possibly consume, but you’re scared to say no...

Many of us are like this with our commitments.  We’re working and have families, and we’re asked to take on something new – perhaps a school committee, or a charity event, or an invitation to host a party or go to a social event when we’d rather curl up with a book.  Like sitting at that restaurant table and allowing excess food to pile up until there’s an overwhelming mess that we can’t cope with – we let extra commitments and promises take over our lives.

Top three ways to fix the problem:

• Say ‘no’ and give meaning to your ‘yes’.   Focus on what is central to you and feed and grow that ahead of anything else. 

• Stop ‘colouring in the title page’.  You can’t do everything.  Pick the activity that has the biggest ‘bang for buck’ at work and at home and do that first, instead of all the little things that make little progress.

• Build ‘white space’ into your diary.  Give yourself a buffer for getting from A to B – every time - to eradicate that stressful sense of always rushing.

Choose the kind of mum you want to be, and organise your life around that, instead of trying to squeeze yourself in after everything else is in place.  Work-life balance with children isn’t a fairytale.  It’s a choose-your-own adventure.

 (This article was written for Family Capers Magazine)