surfing the success-and-failure waves

Last week was a fairly typical one for me – some good stuff happened and there were some disappointments. 

Monday – Sent newsletter, had some encouraging feedback by email (Lovely!), then two people unsubscribed from it (Eek! What am I doing wrong?)

Tuesday – Received email from literary agent saying another author had just released a trilogy for Young Adults using the same titles as my series, and that my first two books are currently either too short (as stand-alone books) or two long (as one book).  (Waaaahh!  Should I give up? Am I good enough?  What’s on Foxtel?)

Wednesday - Invited to speak at an International Women’s Day event, prompted by one of my articles.  (I can write!  Stop with the re-runs of Wife Swap!  Where’s the manuscript?)

Friday – Had an interview published about my intimate thoughts on motherhood etc (read it here) and a positive response from the Deputy Ed of Mamamia re an article submission.  (Okay, back on track now...deep breath.  I can do this.)

Coaches talk a lot about ‘managing your state’.  It’s about accepting your initial response to a trigger as valid, (for example, the ‘I-can’t-do-this’ panic if something goes wrong), then consciously replacing this with a different emotional response that will better serve, support and nourish you (eg. This is a small set-back – I’ve had set-backs before and overcame them.  What’s the next step here...)

When it comes to dealing with the ups and downs of life, we can stay marooned helplessly on a surf-board, rising on the crests of some waves, and being dumped by others. Or we can stand up on that surf-board and ride as many waves as we can - regardless of the result. 

It’s not about being perfect, or always getting it right.  We’ll catch some waves brilliantly.  We’ll miss others.   We’ll fall off.  We’ll be dumped.  Resilience is about getting back on the board when things don’t go as planned, taking feedback from the last effort, starting again and doing something proactive and different that moves us closer to where we want to be. 

A Facebook friend posted this over the weekend: ‘I doubt myself possibly more than is reasonable, and wonder if I’ll ever be good enough for me...’

There are times when even the most optimistic and confident amongst us could write that.  Doubt and fear and this sense of not being good enough creep through our thoughts in every sphere of our lives at various times: 

• Am I good enough at work? 
• Am I a good enough partner/friend?
• Am I a good enough parent?
• Do I look good enough?
• Am I healthy enough?

It’s not about avoiding these thoughts – it’s about what you do with them next.  Lie passively on your surf-board long enough, letting menacing ideas encircle you, and you’re going to get bitten. 

Author Susan Jeffers says to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’. This week, unless you are living in a perfect fairytale, a mix of things is going to happen - good stuff and disappointments.  Making the most of the week is easier if you choose to register your initial response to events, decide if it’s a helpful one or a hindrance and adjust your thinking quickly and decisively for the best possible result.

Most important of all - if something goes wrong – stand up on that surfboard anyway and catch the next wave, before that shark of doubt spots you lying there like a victim-in-waiting.